How Day Camps and Mentoring shine a light into Alice’s life
Recently, Prison Fellowship launched several ‘Day Camps’ across Australia as part of our Extraordinary Lives program. Day Camps are run in partnership between Prison Fellowship and local churches, who host a day full of fun games, food, and activities for the families of prisoners. Alice’s story below demonstrates why we are eager to partner with more churches so we can reach even more families.
I believe Prison Fellowship’s Extraordinary Lives program teaches kids that they can overcome. It shows them that it doesn’t matter what circumstances they find themselves in, or how they came into the world, or who is raising them. They can see that everybody has a story, and everybody has a choice: you can either blame the world for the raw deal you get, or rise above it, look at the positive, and make your life what you want it to be. Extraordinary Lives has helped my grandchildren so much. From Day Camps to Angel Tree and mentoring, Extraordinary Lives is so important for my grandkids.
I just try to bridge the gap between what I want to do for them and how much I can do for them when I don’t have the means or finances to do it.
Being a grandparent – visiting your grandchildren, looking after them, and then giving them back to their parents, like grandparents do, is really enjoyable. But a few years ago, when my son was sent to prison, and my daughter-in-law passed away, my role as a grandmother stopped, and I became the sole carer, both the mother and the father, to four children who are actually my grandchildren.
It was a whole new lifestyle for us all. The role I played before, of grandmother, changed completely. I don’t like it, but now it has to be like that. I can’t be a grandparent and a parent at the same time. I have to play the role of a parent now, teach them right from wrong, and bring them up in the ways they should go. I would never change it, and I’m not sorry that I got them. It’s just that sometimes, I want to be a grandparent and not a parent.
And it’s hard for the kids, too. When a father or a mother ends up in prison, the children are left traumatised. People think because they’re smiling and playing and running around and being kids that they aren’t hurt in any way. But they are; the scars are there. They might not show it until one day when they have a major meltdown and just want their Mum or Dad. All you can do is listen to them. When you get down to the bottom of what they’re actually feeling, it is loneliness. ‘Where’s my mum? Where’s my dad?’ When they’re ready to talk to me about it, I say to them, ‘Yeah, it’s unfair. I know you want your parents. But you can choose to be angry with life, or you can choose to say, “Okay, I can make it better. I’m going to grow up. I can make my life better. I don’t have to be angry and upset all the time.”
Ministries like Extraordinary Lives turn the light on for children who hide their emotions – it is so healing for them.
When grandparents or other people become the primary carers instead of the parents, it becomes very obvious at school because everything is built around parents. I don’t want my grandchildren to feel different from other kids, but I know people wonder why a grandparent is looking after them and not their parents. I think trying to make them feel normal is one of the biggest challenges.
That’s why Day Camps have been so significant. Before Day Camps, I don’t think the children really understood that there were kids out there just like them with a parent in prison. Every time somebody asks, ‘Well, where’s your father?’, the kids have to explain that he’s in prison and they don’t know why.
For them to go on an outing like Day Camp where no one is asking, ‘Where are your parents?’ is so important for them. To see that other kids are the same as them was powerful – it lifted something off them.
They connected with quite a few other kids and listened to their stories. They loved it because they felt they were in a safe place. They just loved it. Day Camps have helped my grandchildren so much. They’ve given my grandchildren hope that they’re not alone and can bounce back. Hope that there are people out there who love them regardless of where their parents are. They just love them for them, and I thank Prison Fellowship for that.
Day Camp was a great experience for me, too. It made me feel really, really good because I try to teach the kids that we’re all the same, regardless of our circumstances, but it is tough. That day, I think a light bulb went off in their mind, that they were not the only ones.
There are other services out there, too. But the Prison Fellowship Day Camps feel more sincere. At the Prison Fellowship Day Camps, I can relax and enjoy the day. It feels really significant to say to the kids, ‘Look, there are people out there who give up their free time to help other people.’ It might be insignificant to others, but for us, they’re a really big help. God is good. I thank Him all the time for Prison Fellowship and the volunteers who give up their time for my grandkids.
I often worry about whether I’m doing a good job with the kids. I hope I’m giving them all they need, but I know I’m not because no one grandparent can provide the same as a two-parent home. There is no male role model in my house. I find that hard because they need to know that there are good men out there, trustworthy men. They need a strong male to look up to and follow as they get into their teenage years. I pray about that a lot.
One of my grandsons, Ethan*, has arrived on the edge of those teenage years, the edge of those rebellious years. He’s either going to carry on being the nice, sweet Ethan I know, or he’s going to start rebelling a bit. And that’s why his mentor, Stephen, is so important.
Having a male in his life who he can look up to is really good. I’m hopeful that Stephen will be able to help him work through all the things teenagers work through. I hope Ethan trusts him enough to open up and have some good, serious conversations about where he’s at mentally and emotionally.
When he and Stephen go for a walk and talk, they come back after a while, and I can see that Ethan has this smile on his face. It’s good. And even though Stephen is Ethan’s mentor, my other grandkids like having him around, too. It’s also encouraging for me because I know Stephen is a trustworthy male they can all look up to.
Angel Tree has been amazing for the kids, too. They love receiving gifts; they love it! They talk to their dad a lot on the phone, so to receive a gift really made them feel so special. They also really love giving to other families.
Through Extraordinary Lives, through mixing with other children and the Prison Fellowship leaders, the kids can see that regardless of what’s happening in their lives, there are people out there who care about them. It’s so great for the kids to see that even though everybody has their moments and their struggles, there are people out there who choose to focus on the positive and look outward, to helping other people, and they still can love others, love us. It shows them that there is a Godly way of looking at things and it’s real. It’s real.
I just want my grandkids to have the best childhood they can, spiritually. I know that having a relationship with God will get them further in the long run.
I want them to grow into trustworthy adults who have integrity and stand on truth. I want them to follow their goals and to go for what they believe in because all things are possible. If they set their hearts on something, I want them to do it wholeheartedly. I want them to stay truthful and honest. If they do the hard work, they’ll have a better outcome regardless of the world around them. And I want them to be what God has called them to be.
I know that Jesus loves them and that he’s always there, just a prayer away. I encourage the kids to call on Jesus no matter what because he can bring peace in the confusion. Whatever you may be going through, he will comfort you. I pray that they will continue in the faith of the Lord.
Alice | Primary caregiver to four of her grandchildren
*Names have been changed for privacy
Give a generous gift so kids like Ethan can benefit from mentoring, Day Camps, and Angel Tree.
