How a prison sentence became the beginning of a new life
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CONTAINS CONTENT ABOUT SELF-HARM AND SEXUAL ASSAULT
It sounds strange, but going to jail was one of the best things in my life! That time away from real life gave me the chance to really concentrate on getting better. It’s also where I met Jesus. It was a blessing in disguise!
Throughout my life, I have experienced a great deal of trauma, and I never received the support or help I needed. I grew up without my biological father in my life, and my stepfather raped me when I was a teenager. I tried drugs to block out the trauma, and this in turn led to drug abuse and dependency.
All of a sudden, I found myself a young single mother with addiction issues and growing debt. In my desperation, I committed a crime for financial gain, but instead of becoming debt-free, I wound up incarcerated in Australia – a country very far from my home.
I felt like a failure. I was oceans away from my kids, I had a lot of self-resentment, and I wanted to end my life. It only took one week of being in custody for me to try to end my life, but the guards got to me in time. I wasn’t thankful they had saved me. For the next six months, I continued to self-harm. The only positive thing in my life at that time was that I was forced to become sober because I didn’t have access to drugs in prison.
One morning, things began to change. I looked in the mirror and said to myself, ‘This is temporary.’ I had a sense of new possibilities, and I wanted my life after prison to be better than the life I had been leading. I wanted to better myself, but most of all, I wanted to be a better woman and mother to my children. I thought to myself, ‘I should use my time inside to get the help I really need.’ From that day on, I have taken every opportunity offered to me. These include counselling, different therapies, and various in-prison programs, including Art From Inside, where I discovered that I could create beautiful pictures! I also began receiving visits from Margaret*, who volunteers with Prison Fellowship.
I had a few terrible experiences with other inmates, which resulted in me moving to a different prison. This is where I first met my friend, Margaret, from Prison Fellowship. Margaret has helped me to become more comfortable with people. When we first met, I was very wary of people, and I wondered why Margaret was taking the time to visit me. I really enjoyed the visits and looked forward to seeing her. She cared, she listened, and she also helped me on my journey to discover God. It took some time, but now I believe that He has forgiven me completely and loves me. I have been reading the Bible, and although I don’t understand everything, I ask questions and talk about the things I have read with Margaret. A couple of months ago, she asked me if I had asked Jesus into my life. When I told her I hadn’t, she asked if I would like to. I said yes, and she said a prayer for me.
I am very close to my release date, and I now feel confident about going home and staying sober. I have always felt that everything happens for a reason, and now I know that God helped me through all the difficult things I have gone through. He was always there with me. I know that no matter what happens, I can pray to God to help me.
